I WOULD like to begin this post by saying, “many people know me as an introvert…”, but the fact is that not many people know me.
Some close friends say it’s because I don’t give many the chance to and some say it’s because I look so fierce. I guess it could be both; and it’s not so much that I enjoy it or whatever but it’s really how I was brought up. My family is pretty private and thus I turned out as such. On the whole it doesn’t really bother me, though there are occasions like tonight that I get bugged about it and thus feel I need to pen it down. So here goes… the 5 biggest troubles I face as an introvert.
1) I get mistaken as proud and arrogant all the time
|credits to: lifehack.com|
This is one point that really annoys me. I CANNOT help it that I’ve got a bitchy resting face. Like literally I CANNOT HELP THIS. I remember I had a math teacher once who called me back after class to ask me why I glared at him throughout the session when in reality it was my SERIOUS LISTENING FACE. Like why!?
I am not proud and arrogant in social settings but I am very very awkward and shy. If I do not approach you, chances are I’ve already run through the instances and scenarios in my head of what will happen if I approach you and I probably calculated the chances of you not wanting to speak to me. I am THAT awkward. I am also deathly afraid of small talk that dies halfway through because I never know how to resuscitate the conversation and I feel bad when I don’t… so please don’t mistake me for someone who doesn’t care. I’m really more of someone who doesn’t dare.
2) Social settings tire me out very easily
I am an easily tired person by nature. I sometimes lie in bed all day reading a book and still complain to my boyfriend that I’m very tired and want more rest. He normally reciprocates this statement with a, “get off my phone, I’m working” or with a really incredulous look of annoyance.
Now put me in a room with 10 people I have to mingle with and BAM. I am rendered immobile the next day. I kid you not. The day after my high school prom I refused to meet anyone nor leave my room. I do not know why I am like this.. it just is. So when I sometimes am unable to make an event or make last minute cancellations.. it’s because I am truly truly tired. I am NOT blowing anyone off or being selfish. Especially if the event is a weekday and I have work the next day, I am more inclined to reject because I know I will end up useless in the office the following morning/afternoon. Most introverts I know need downtime, but I just somehow need more.
3) I overthink every situation
By nature, I tend to be rather quiet. I like to observe and be fully aware of my environment before I say or do anything. I always have friends or colleagues tell me that I look super unfriendly on the first day but it’s always because I just want to suss out the situation and know how to react to people. I like to study what goes on so I don’t make a wrong move.
Is that overthinking? YES IT IS! I hate it but it is pretty much ingrained. I’m not crazy to the point where if you do not reply me for 5 minutes I immediately assume you hate me… but I will run through multiple probabilities of what I did/say to annoy you. This might be what adds to my tiredness lol.
4) I really enjoy being alone…
So much so that I am actually able to not message/call my boyfriend for a full day sometimes because I am so blissfully alone. Some friends laugh at me and call me a mountain tortoise but I really don’t get the joke? It would be SO AWESOME to be a mountain tortoise. I would love to be far far away on a mountain eating… whatever tortoises eat… moving slowly… sleeping.. then eventually dying.
Obviously this does nothing for my social life. I am very blessed that my boyfriend understands me enough to know this doesn’t mean I love him any less, and also very lucky that my best friends know I may not always be 100% around but I will always be 100% supportive when needed. Those close to me, in turn, also show me a lot of care and concern and I am so appreciative.
However, because that pool of friends is so small LOL (my best friends are my COUSINS), I run into situations where I really want to go out and everyone is busy and I’m like I HAVE NO ONE ELSE TO GO OUT WITH and then become sad. Vicious cycle. I’m not complaining, but you do get why it’s categorized as a ‘trouble.’
5) I come off as very uncaring due to low self esteem
Someone once won my Instagram giveaway and I was supposed to meet her at Orchard MRT to pass the present to her (if you are that someone reading this, I really apologize). I already saw what this person looked like from her IG photos and I was like, “wow she’s super pretty!” And on that day when we met… I looked pretty crappy lol and I kept thinking, okay find a way to pass the prize to her ASAP and run off so she can’t see how bad you look.
In the end, when she arrived, she was perfectly sweet and smiley and I just threw the present at her and literally jumped into the MRT carriage. YES THAT HAPPENED. I actually called Ashley and told her what happened and she was like, “WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?”… Sigh. Anyway, that girl was lovely enough to text me that I looked gorgeous and hoped we would meet soon. I didn’t know how to say she was so pretty too without sounding pretentious (because I really hate it when I tell someone they look good and they just say, “you too!”), so I replied something along the lines of “haha I’m sure we will meet again.”
I know… what the heck right. I’ve actually met her at events but never found the nerve to say hi or smile because I knew what I did back then was super retarded. In case I ever do the same to you, please know the chances are that I probably regret it till today.
Yeah that about rounds it up. Please don’t take it that I’m making excuses for myself and thinking everyone should give in to me and what not. I just wanted to pen my thoughts down… you know.. rant a little bit. Everyone’s entitled that, even on the net right? haha
I guess this has been one of my most personal posts so far… and maybe you can relate maybe you cannot. We’re all made differently anyway….
Okay I do not know how to end this, and that is how awkward I am, so bye.